The Straight Man
by Risa150831
Summary: The instances where Tsuna is always the straight man and he wonders if he should get paid for it.
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: The instances where Tsuna is always the straight man and he wonders if he should get paid for_ _it._

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 **No. 1: The Corny Couple**

Honey-brown orbs glanced at the scene in front of him with practiced patience and maturity. On top of a tall platform, a blond man clenched down with one knee and presented a single red rose to a brown-haired woman. They were sparkling brightly and colorful flowers seemed to surround them. They were in their own world as the woman blushed furiously in delight at the red rose and the man proclaimed loudly to the world that he loved her. Some black men cheered at that while a woman with an odd baby sighed heavily. The people, who passed by and saw them, simply ignored them and carried on their lives.

"Where did those flowers and sparkles come from?" the six-year-old boy asked deadpannedly, pointing out all the flaws of the scene.

"Papa was in Antartica last night...how come he's already here in the morning?"

"Where did that platform come from?"

"Just who are those with Papa?"

"Why is Okaa-san acting like this is normal?"

"Why is no one asking the oddity of the situation?!"

The woman with the baby snorted in amusement, having witnessed and heard the brown-haired boy.

"This is just too corny..."

Sawada Tsunayoshi sighed at his silly parents. He loved them wholeheartedly but they were sometimes too much. It was just Valentines Day. There was no one to be more corny than usual.

"Okaa-san," he called out for his mother, who had at least, more sense than his idiotic father. "Should we go inside first?"

'So that we can totally avoid embarrassing ourselves more,' was left unsaid.

"Ah, but Tuna, this is a wonderful day to show everyone how much I love my darling!" the blond was certainly living up to his stereotype.

"We're disturbing them, Papa. I'm sure that they're all busy with their own lives," the usually shy boy smiled confidently, his mouth twitching in irritation. 'They don't care about that and you're just being silly! And my name's not Tuna!'

"Still, Nana's beauty needs to be seen by the world!" Iemitsu exclaimed proudly and looked at the blushing woman lovingly. "You just keep on becoming more and more beautiful every time I see you, love!"

"Oh, Iemitsu," Nana put a hand over her mouth, trying to compose herself.

'Oh Kami, this is just the worse,' Tsuna felt really awkward from his parent's cheesiness and he hid his flushed face with his small hands.

After a minute of the couple having their moment, the young brunet had enough.

"This is nice and all but we really need to go inside," he deadpanned without anymore guilt. He was just too embarrassed. "Our guests seem to be close to puking."

Said guests were startled, except for the amused woman and baby while his parents just looked scandalized.

"Tsu-kun, don't joke," his mother reprehended while his father chuckled at the unusually bite.

"I'm sorry," the boy shrugged.

Tsuna never thought that it would be the start of his "straight man" role.

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A/N: So yeah, a story focusing on Tsuna being a straight man. I'm so gonna have fun with it! And of course, he would act like this to his parents first! I'm not basing but they do seem like a corny couple to me...


	2. Chapter 2

**No. 2: Pervert Perfect**

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Now, Tsuna was a huge coward and it wasn't a rare thing for people to call him "Dame-Tsuna", but even an idiot could say that the eight-year-old boy had guts to say something like _that_ to the terror known as Hibari Kyoya right to his face. What's more surprising, and borderline miraculous, was the fact that the so-called _dame_ had come out of the situation without any injury.

It all started with a little incident that no one wanted to remember...

Personally, the teacher at that time had no idea what was going on with his class. He only focused on teaching his lessons to his students regardless if they were listening or not. It wasn't like he had an idea that there would be a surprise visit from his supervisor.

"So noisy," the cold familiar voice of the Namimori School President silenced everyone immediately and the teacher turned around with growing horror at the sight of Hibari Tsugumi at the opened door with her equally terrifying son. She gave the man one harsh glare that made him want to cry and glanced at the chaotic state of the class. "And annoying."

"I'm very disappointed, Nero-sensei. I was going to show my son how competent my staffs are but it seems like there are punishments to consider first," the woman's glance hardened to the silent man and gestured to her emotionless child. Her lip curved down tightly. "Kyoya, be a dear and punish the man."

The blalck-haired boy glared at the order. Nero-sensei felt relief that the boy didn't seem to be willing to take orders from his mother since he knew how strong the boy was, especially when Hibari Kyoya took after his mother.

"He _did_ break our rules, Kyoya and didn't do anything to stop the noise."

The stance of the boy stiffened and his gray eyes glared heatedly at the now trembling man. "Hn," he pulled out his tonfas and lunged quickly. "For disturbing peace, I'll bite you to death, herbivore!"

...

...

...

Tsuna watched in confusion and fear when his normally strict teacher paled when the black-haired boy attacked him but the confusion and fear faded into bemusement, having heard the boy's infamous phrase.

'Did he really just say 'bite'?' he thought blankly, wondering how no one was questioning it. Somehow, he felt a deja vu. He had a feeling that he had thought of the same thing before and at that time, he said something unlike him. He shook his head. He was imagining it. 'That's really weird...'

'Biting is for animals...we're not animals and it's not like Nero-sensei is a herbivore,' he continued to think for a moment, unknowing ignoring the screams that his teacher and classmates had created. He also failed to notice the inquiring eyes of the Namimori School President. 'I've seen him eat meat before. Also, the way he said the 'biting' part really bugs me. It sounds like what Papa said about...'

He frowned in confusing, tilting his head cutely, 'What was it again?'

For a moment, his eyes narrowed in confusion before they brightened as he remembered the word. _"A pervert!"_ he exclaimed loudly, freezing everyone in the room and from his excitement at being right, he forgot where he was. He pointed at the startled boy, his normally passive eyes glowing brightly in innocence. "That's what Papa called someone, who like to bite other people!"

No one really knew how to react to that, except maybe from one mother, who snickered at her son's expense. She knew that his catchphrase would haunt him back when he first started saying it.

"Herbivore," Kyoya practically growled out in anger but surprisingly enough, Tsuna was more concerned about something else than the potential beat up.

He deadpanned, "I'm not a herbivore. I eat meat, too."

"I'm going to bite you to death!"

"That really makes you sound like a pervert," the brown-haired boy countered slowly before he finally recognized the danger he was facing. He blurted out loudly in fear. "HIEE! A pervert is out to get me!"

That really wasn't making the situation for him any better. Luckily, Tsugumi actually felt amused at the situation that she saved the small boy from being _bitten_ by her angry son. Still, in the end, Tsuna wished to forget anything that happened and pretended that nothing happened at all. His classmates and teacher had followed his way for the sake of their sanity. The Hibari family, on the other hand, had been having a field day from teasing their only heir, who felt embarrassed for the first time.

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A/N: So Hibari's mother being the president of Nami-chuu is something I made up because I think that might be the reason why Hibari would think that Nami-chuu is his territory...anyway, right, Tsuna saying "pervert" to Hibari's face is something I wanted to read for a long time (and I can't seem to remember if it was already written) and it is totally what a straight man like Tsuna should say to Hibari's catchphrase! Well, I actually thought that he should say "fetish" but Tsuna's young for that...though it's in my headcannon that Iemitsu is teaching shit to Tsuna when he's drunk! (I really have a weird mind...)

Also, despite being a straight man, Tsuna's really not above it. He still has his stupid moments.


End file.
